Catch the Spin

Here is some useful information for any dad with a newborn baby.  If the baby poops, keep him or her at arm’s length. Once you have moved the baby away from your body, turn your face to the side and breathe through your mouth.  If you have difficulty breathing through your mouth you should seek medical attention.  Hold the baby firmly under its arms, hand it to your wife and swiftly exit the room.  If your wife is not home call a female neighbor over for an “urgent issue”.  Tell the neighbor you don’t know what is wrong with the baby.  When the neighbor gets there act as though you need to go make a call to the mother.  Wait in the hall for the neighbor to change the baby then return asking what is wrong.  Acting concerned and relieved at the same time will help.  Thank the neighbor and breathe a sigh of relief as you walk the neighbor to the door.  Babies are a lot of work and require constant attention.  With proper planning though you will barely have to lift a finger.