Catch the Spin

JACKSON, Wyo. – Officials in Wyoming want people to be on the lookout for a black box with white lettering that says “METH,” after a deputy lost a stash used to train police dogs.

Teton County sheriff’s Sgt. Lloyd Funk says the deputy accidentally left the box on a bumper after a canine training exercise Oct. 27. It contained nearly an ounce of methamphetamine.

Officials have asked the towns citizens to be on the look out for the missing box of meth. They are encouraging citizens to immediately call if they find it. One citizen “Roger” was stopped by a local reporter. The reporter asked him if he had seen the missing box of meth. “It was difficult to understand the normally clear talking Roger” said Sammy the local reporter. “Something must have really been itching Rogers face because the whole tome we spoke he was pulling and scratching at his face”. “I have never seen Roger so swift in his step” Sammy remarked as he watched his life long friend speed away on foot as he ran over the tops of three parked cars.

Sammy frowned and said “I sure hope that stuff turns up”.

Thank God the republicans are finally voting again. Just heard that they will likely take the house back. What a relief. I will sleep better at night knowing they are back on top. On a related note, my auto tires now have over 100,000 miles on them and are starting to show metal. I am hopeful I can get another year or so on them before replacing. What is the max miles a tire can go?

This just released………

SAN FRANCISCO—Legendary Rangers pitcher, team president, and mush-mouth Nolan Ryan delivered an indecipherable and presumably stirring speech in the team’s clubhouse before Game 2 of the World Series Thursday, puzzled but tentatively inspired players later confirmed. “Just to have him there was a rush, but to have him look us all in the eyes and say ‘Hyeah gotta wont thissen y’all goan shackum weerpo hurrah, goan an’ dunnit husslinrusslin t’ nagget chossle shummah’ is something I’ll never forget,” said outfielder Josh Hamilton, adding that the hair on the back of his neck stood up and his forehead wrinkled during Ryan’s five-minute talk. “Then, when everyone was just completely silent in awe and confusion, he walked to the door, turned, and repeated, ‘Nagget. Chossle. Shummah.’ I was just stunned.” In Ryan’s honor, the Rangers have adopted an unintelligible series of slurred vowels and sibilant fricatives as their unofficial World Series motto.

Attention Parents: If trick-or-treating scares your children, don’t give in to their fears

Fear can be a thrilling sensation for all kids, especially on Halloween, and parents should push unwilling children into fear-inducing situations such as trick-or-treating on Halloween. They will have fun just as you did as children. Stop babying those kids and get them out there facing their fears and having a good time. Some so called experts say it can be detrimental to a child to be placed unnecessarily in a fear situation, but they are wrong.

If a child is scared to go trick-or-treating follow these steps to get them out there:

• A parent should offer to go.  When the kid reaches the door of the first house, the parent should race back home. This will force the child to face his/her fears.
• Give the child a lighted torch to carry with them.  Explain to the child that the torch can be used for lighting a dark path as well as a weapon for self defense. 
• Do not plan alternative activities, such as movie night at home or a Halloween party.  Making alternative “less scary” plans is not going to help your child overcome his/her fears.   A child must OVERCOME fear in order to live.

Above all, force the issue. If a child fears trick-or-treating, that is really not a big deal.  Tell them to dig deep and pull themselves together.

Today at the University I rode up the elevator with a guy that was eating a can of sardines.  It smelled up the whole elevator.  Why would someone want to eat such a silly lunch on the clock in a public elevator?  I felt like slapping the can from his stupid hand.

My mentor came into my life when I was six years old. He taught me the ways of the wilderness, the arts of tracking and stalking. He taught me survival, how to craft bows and arrows, and how to live in harmony with the earth, but above all he taught me of the peace and spirituality to be found in the wilderness. He became my role model, my big brother. Our friendship grew strong as we roamed through the wilderness, a friendship that only those who share all can know.  I sometimes lie awake at night for a long periods of time thinking of the adventures that that I have had in the wilderness.  I enjoy setting out on my own to find solace in some quiet spot where I can be alone with my thoughts.  I also love a fresh kill.

                                                                 —-Johnny Redcloth

This morning while commuting to school I saw something odd. A pilot gas truck passed me and it was carrying coffee. The back of it read “best coffee on the interstate” Pilot. I have never had a cup of pilot coffee but would have a hard time believing that coffee shipped in such bulk (already made) would be any good. Also, another thing that concerned me was a caution/explosive sign on the back. How could the best coffee on the interstate be explosive? Also, does each station have a holding tank for the coffee or does the driver just fill a couple of pots at each location? If the latter is true how would this be cost effective? I have lots of questions.

This morning I woke up early and went to the university to print about five hundred flyers announcing a free hot thanksgiving lunch for the homeless. “Tired of the shelter food” it read. Join us for lunch today then I gave the Dean’s home address.

Happy Thanksging Dean you home owning bum. Happy Thanksgiving homeless bums.

I want to take a couple of minutes and explain something about our newest author Johnny Redcloth.  Johnny is a great man, and a tremendous author.  He is one of the nicest men I know.  He seems to be slightly misunderstood and has already started butting heads with a couple of you (authors and readers).  While he admits to eating dogs in the wilderness let me assure you it must have been for survival reasons only.  I have known him for a long time and never known him to eat a dog (at least I have never seen him eat one).  He is a great man and I hope everyone will give him a chance here on the Spin.  He is rough around the edges but give him some time and you will grow to appreciate him and his wisdom as I have.

    Thanks for stopping by——Dan

I am damn sick of these homeless bums panhandling in my street.  Look at this recent blog about these scammers.  http://blogs.nybooks.com/post/254326291/homeless-on-the-home-front

I have seen my share of the streets as a college professor…trust me.  I’ve been homeless. And I am continuously amazed how often being homeless is tied to asking for money.  I was homeless for 17 hours while I waited for keys to my new beach house.  I chose not to pan handle though.  I did not want to bother people.  I was hungry now that I think about it.  I could have dropped a dime for a snack but I wanted to save my money for dinner.  Mob mentality.

Today I attended a lecture by the Dean about transparency. He is a lousy speaker and after the lecture I told him that. I also told him that I hate the way he smiles. Now I am in trouble. So much for transparency. Next time he should lecture on lying.

You ever get the feeling that no matter how much sense something makes an organization’s culture trumps common sense? I do. I am sick of trying to force change. There has to be a place with better systems in place that takes full advantage of technology. Do you work in a progressive place like I describe or one with deep cultural roots that blind them to the fact that they are dying?.

I called the lousy Dean today to collect my paycheck. He left it at the office which really irritates me. The dencent thing would have been for him to take it with him and hook up with me over the weekend. I can’t believe they let this fool run the school.

Today I did not want to meet with one of my students so I sat in my office singing at the top of my lungs. It worked. She eventually left without being seen. The Dean has asked for a meeting with me. I am going to try the same strategy with him to see if he will leave without being seen. I hate our Dean.

The University I work for has changed policy on faculty paychecks.  Now instead of going to see Sylvia we have to go to the docks across town at night to pick up our checks from a guy named Pedro.  Last night I went and there was gun fire.  I don’t need the money today because I don’t live check to check but I earned the money.  I am thinking about hiring a guy to get my check monthly.  Also, I am now using twitter for the first time.  follow me at www.twitter.com/catchthespin