Plan Ahead This Year to Avoid Death
What You Need to do When Someone Chokes at Your House This Year
1. Stay Sharp! Move swiftly from side to side and remember that victims ALWAYS panic and intentionally strike out. They will try to hit you so be prepared to hit back. Think of this as a friendly boxing competition and be prepared to level your opponent.
2. The first blow should be hard and directly to the victim’s throat. Once you establish that the victim is choking hit quick and hard!
3. Stand in front of the victim when delivering the punch to the throat. Once the throat punch is administered move quickly behind the victim and deliver a blow to the center of the victim’s back.
4. Once you have delivered the punch to the center of the victim’s back, wrap your hands around the victim’s throat and apply firm pressure (as if giving a bear hug).
5. Make a fist with your right hand and strike it firmly on the back of the victim’s neck. This move should dislodge any bones or wood that may be lodged in the victim’s throat.
6. If the victim is still choking, grab the victim with your left hand and turn them to face you while thrusting your fist inwards and upwards forcefully to the stomach.
7. Repeat steps (1-6) until the victim is able to breathe again, or until the victim is pronounced dead (whichever comes first).
It takes practice to perfect this technique. I would suggest getting a close friend or family member to agree in advance to letting you practice on them. It would be better to have properly trained for the choking than to just sit back and watch helplessly as a loved one chokes to death.
Republicans Win!!!!!!
Well finally people have come to their senses and re-elected republicans again. These crazy democrat socialists are going to destroy this great country. Thank God people are starting to wise up once again. No more solar panels in the whitehouse. I hate that it went as far as it did, but we are back on track. One of the other professors here (a socialist democrat communist) was so sad by the news she heard she tripped and fell while walking with a hot cup of coffee. I laughed to my self then aloud. I was overcome with joy to see US get some sense back. I was also tickled when the professor fell. I had hoped she would spill her coffee on her shirt, but no such luck. It spilled out on the floor and between the tile and base boards. I once had a similar fall in the same spot. The University should really get someone out to look at the floor and test the slickness of the damn tile. The stuff they wax it with is slick….real slick. Ralph fell there last year and chipped a tooth. I like Ralph. He is a nice guy. I still question his credentials though, but after 6 months of useless digging I have given up. Anyways….glad we are back on top!
Professor’s Hat I Want
Today I had the unfortunate experience of riding the elevator with a professor I hate. I love the hat he wears though so I am toying with the idea of taking it from him. I am not like redcloth though so I won’t slap his face and take it. What are some ideas as to how I could wrangle the hat from his head while keeping my dignity (and my job)?
Symphony Rip Off
I just got back from seeing the symphony and they have added spoons as a musical instrument. I feel ripped off. Instead of violins people were playing the spoons and one old guy was blowing into a jug. What has this world come to?
Succeed on Black Friday
Black Friday (busiest retail shopping day of the year) is the Friday after Thanksgiving, where it is the beginning of the traditional Christmas shopping season. On this special day, it is not uncommon to see shoppers lined up hours before stores with big sales open. Shoppers often rush, grab, push and lunge as many stores have only a few of the big draw items. Some people choose to camp out or get to the store the night before, but you don’t need to do that.
Follow these simple steps and you will certainly experience a successful Black Friday:
1. Plan to get to the store at least 10 minutes before the doors open.
2. Wear close toed shoes. Flip flops and high heeled sandals make look more attractive than bulky rubber soled shoes or boots, but offer little protection from the stampede.
3. Move slowly and deliberately to the front of the line. Act as though you are looking for someone. If you have access to a small child, send them up to the front of the line to “look” for you. You then, go to the front of the line to “look” for them. This has to be timed appropriately though so do your research and know when the store opens. You want to time it so you and they child are at the front of the line just as the doors open.
4. Keep focused on the other shoppers as you make your way to the front of the line. You need to scope the crowd to anticipate their moves.
5. As the doors open go swiftly to the items you pre determined you would buy. As soon as the Black Friday adds come out, look at them and map your destinations. Call the stores you plan to visit ahead of time with list in hand ask which isle and shelf each item is located on. This is important and will save you valuable time.
6. Go for the biggest saving items first. These are normally bait and switch items to get you in the store and they will go fast.
7. Stay focused on the task at hand and visualize success. Success is defined as getting that cheaper than dirt gift that will surely be returned by the recipient the day after you give it to them.
8. Stay alert! Drink plenty of coffee before and during the shopping event.
9. Wrap your arms tightly around small children you are carrying. Shopping carts and strollers should be avoided because they restrict mobility and slow you down.
10. Stay on the edge of the isle and move swiftly from side to side so you appear larger than you are. If you are wearing a jacket, flap your arms like a chicken. This will make you seem larger than you really are, and will thwart other shoppers from getting too close.
11. As you approach the item stay calm and move with precise movements. You don’t want someone to see you going for the item as it may be the last. If it is the last item, run at it as fast as you can and grab it. If the item is on the floor or a low shelf, be prepared to belly slide.
12. Tuck it under your arm like it is a football. This will protect the item from getting knocked out of your hand. Take it and run with it clutched tightly under your arm to the register. Remember, it belongs to the store until it is purchased. Just because someone is holding an item or carrying it in their cart, you can take it if you think you could get to the checkout stand more swiftly than they.
13. Check out and go quickly to your car. Lock the item in your trunk and then go back in for the second item on your list.
Happy shopping and good luck!
Sick of Status Quo
How many of you have developed coping skills to deal with the status quo? I am sick of it. I am sick of people not showing up prepared.
When Someone Chokes
What You Need to do When Someone Chokes at Your House This Year at Thanksgiving
1. Stay Sharp! Move swiftly from side to side and remember that victims ALWAYS panic and intentionally strike out. They will try to hit you so be prepared to hit back. Think of this as a friendly boxing competition and be prepared to level your opponent.
2. The first blow should be hard and directly to the victim’s throat. Once you establish that the victim is choking hit quick and hard!
3. Stand in front of the victim when delivering the punch to the throat. Once the throat punch is administered move quickly behind the victim and deliver a blow to the center of the victim’s back.
4. Once you have delivered the punch to the center of the victim’s back, wrap your hands around the victim’s throat and apply firm pressure (as if giving a bear hug).
5. Make a fist with your right hand and strike it firmly on the back of the victim’s neck. This move should dislodge any bones or wood that may be lodged in the victim’s throat.
6. If the victim is still choking, grab the victim with your left hand and turn them to face you while thrusting your fist inwards and upwards forcefully to the stomach.
7. Repeat steps (1-6) until the victim is able to breathe again, or until the victim is pronounced dead (whichever comes first).
It takes practice to perfect this technique. I would suggest getting a close friend or family member to agree in advance to letting you practice on them. It would be better to have properly trained for the choking than to just sit back and watch helplessly as a loved one chokes to death.
General Rules for Holiday Safety
· Keep matches, torches, jars of gasoline soaked rags, molitov cocktails, lighters, and candles out of the reach of small children (under the age of 3).
· Avoid smoking heavily near flammable decorations. You can smoke around them but be careful.
· Make an emergency plan to use when a fire breaks out anywhere in the home. See that each family member knows what to do. PRACTICE THE PLAN DAILY AT ALL HOURS!
· Avoid wearing loose flowing clothes—particularly long, open sleeves—near open flames – such as those of a fireplace, torch, jar of gasoline soaked rags, molitov cocktails, stove, or candlelit table. If your sleeve catches fire swiftly remove your shirt and get outside as you have practiced.
· Decorations must be of flameproof or flame-resistant materials or be sprayed with a flame-retardant chemical. Please note: when using the flame retardant chemical use EXTREME caution as the chemical is highly flammable while wet and can explode while being applied. If the chemical is sprayed into your eyes you surely will be blinded on contact.
· Never burn candles or torches near evergreens. Burning evergreens in the fireplace can also be hazardous. When dry, greens burn like tinder. Flames can flare out of control, and send sparks flying into a room, or up the chimney to ignite creosote deposits. If your roof catches fire, get out quickly as you have practiced.
· Plan for safety. Remember, there is no substitute for common sense. Look for and eliminate potential danger spots near candles, torches, jars with gasoline soaked rags, molitov cocktails, fireplaces, trees, and/or electrical connections.
How to Prevent a Christmas Tree Fire
Christmas trees while pretty are extremely flammable even with the proper precautions are taken.
Here are a few tips to help reduce your risk of harm this year:
- Select a fresh tree. To get the freshest tree, cut it yourself. Go to a tree lot and take your saw. Cut the tree down and take it back to desired location.
- Spray the tree completely with flame retardant spray. Please note: when using the flame retardant chemical use EXTREME caution as the chemical is highly flammable and can explode while being applied. If chemical is sprayed into eyes you will surely be blinded on contact.
- Place the tree at least three inches away from a fireplace, radiator, or other heating source.
- Unplug and completely remove all tree lights when not in use. It is a lot of extra work to completely remove all of the strands, but will provide the maximum level of safety.
- Do not place lit candles, torches or molitov cocktails on or near the tree.
- Do not leave the tree unattended. If you plan to be away from home plan to have someone come sit with the tree.
Have a safe and care-free Christmas this year!
leave a comment